Reflection
I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day. 
It was stunnin, sexy, cute, beautiful & adorable. 
I was supposed 2buy it 4 u,
 till i realised it was my own REFLECTION!

 
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
No matter how high the sky is, 
How deep the ocean is, 
How strong the wind is, 
How wide the river is, 
I just wanna tell u . . .
 They're none of your business.

 
Lover
A lover is:
1% funny
2% sweet
3% caring
4% loving
90% good looking....
That's why I'm your lover!!! Damn, U ARE SO lucky...;) 


Shit im so cute
When ur lonely n upst, just turn 2 da mirror n say 'shit im so cute'.
then u'l feel fine. but dont make it a habbit coz liars go 2 hell!;)  


Wers ur tail?
Sometimes u may catch me staring at u.
 Its not bcuz u r cute. my mom told
me tat devils hav tails & i'm jus wonderng wers urs? ...;)


Pretty Woman
Hi, my name's Richard, will you be my Pretty Woman?


Forbidden
We do have to go to school ... 
Have to is force ... 
Forcing is slavery ....
Slavery is forbidden ... 
SO ... we do not have to go to school!


How do frogs die?
How do frogs die? 

They Ker-mit suicide. 


Job adds
This is your boss: "You are allowed to read the newspaper
 during the working hours and do certainly not miss the job adds."  


Comparison
I'd like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer,
 beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect 
and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!  

 
In the Morning
Good morning
Hav u done 
2 of the most 
important thnings 
when u wake
up today? 
1) PRAY, 
so that U may live
2)TAKE A BATH, 
so that others may
live !! 


Ugly
Ths msg cn only B read by a SEXY person: 
Nothing? Sorry, I guess UR just not SEXYÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ 
Hey! Dnt force it ugly, get lost! 


Divorce
I hardly said a word to my wife until I said yes to a divorce. 


Alcohol
The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.  
 

Brightness
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't work

 
Women Drivers
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.


The 50-50-90 rule
Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.


Women's faults
Women's faults are many, men have just two! 
Everything they say and everything they do!

 
3 magical words
I'd luv 2 take u 4 dinner, make u sit beside the candle,
 shower u with roses
and utter those 3 magical words in ur ear - "PAY THE BILL" !

 
Nominees for nice LOVERS
The Nominees for nice LOVERS are:
You
you
You
you!
Yoouu!
& the winner is
Me!
Coz I have you!!!" 

Reading
After reading the Evils of Smoking I gave up smoking.
After reading the Evils of Drinking I stopped drinking. 
After reading the Evils of Sex I gave up Reading!


Wrong Number
Ure so sexy u drive me insane.
i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain. 
ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber.
oh f*** im sorry i have the wrong number!  
 
Me
Handsome
Sweet
Intelligent
spontaneous
good-looking
nice friends
charming
funny, 
well...
Enough about 
ME! 
How about you? 


Light is faster than sound
Light is faster than sound.
 That is why people look intelligent, 
until you hear them speak.


Cigarette
Be nice to those who smoke, 
every cigarette may be their last.
 
  
Common Sense
The sea consists of water drops, 
the sand dunes of grains of sand, 
time of moments, use them with common sense!  


Bike
When I was young I begged God for a bike, 
but God does not work that way so I stole a bike 
and begged for forgiveness!


Thief
Hello
I'm a thief 
and I'm here 
to steal 
your heart! 

 
Women
Women have usually nothing to wear and no room to put it away!  
 
Your Letter
I would have answered your letter sooner but you did not write me one.


Terrorist
Your daddy must be a terrorist because you are DA BOMB! 

Do you have a coin?
Do you 
have a 
coin? 
I want 
to call 
your parents 
to 
thank them. 


Love at first sight
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again? 


Toilet Paper
Life is like toilet paper, long and usefull !!!! 


Like to see you go
I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go. 


Sleepless Nights
At night I cannot sleep and during the day I dream of you...

 
Math
During maths I was thinking of you
 but I cannot calculate how much I love you!!
 
 
Thinking of You
If I had a penny every time I thought of you, 
I'd still miss you, but at least I would be rich! 


Neighbours
Never make love in the garden or in the fields.
 For love might be blind but your neighbours arent!  

 
Dreams
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.


 
Thats Love
Love is
looking whether 
he is looking
and when he does
certainly not 
looking back!! 


Is Love Blind?
If love 
is blind
how will 
she find me ?  


Domain Names
Girls are like internet domain names, 
the ones I like are already taken. 

 
No Brain
Hello I am a virus and
 I am entering your brain right now.
 Sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.  

 
Virus
DO NOT PRESS 
ANY KEY 
This is a Virus 
Phone Locked 
Phone Locked 
Phone Locked 
Phone Locked 
Phone Locked 
Hehe! NERVOUS? 


Brain Detector
Brain detector activated
calibrating, 
now searching
still searching
get a good grip 
of your mobile
still searching
no brains found. 
 
Guess
It is white and it stands in the corner?
A punished fridge


Statue of Liberty
Why did the statue of liberty have to be a woman?
The head had to be hollow to make a restaurant in it!


Nok nok
Nok nok.
Who's there?
Marie!
Marie who?
Mariewhowanna!! 


Single & Married
Why are married men fatter than ingle ones? 
Singles come home, see whats in the fridge & go to bed. 
Married come home, see whats in bed & go to the fridge 

U
Last night i dreamt of U. This morning,
 my first thought was U. 
i think of U the whole day. i thnk i like U.
 Tomorrow i'll think of V then W,X,Y & Z! ;) 

 
HOW DO U EAT URS?
At 1st 
a little nibble
a slow & 
temptin lick. 
i suck & 
munch my liquid lunch 
& den 
i swallow quick! 
CADBURYS CREAM EGG 
HOW DO U EAT URS? 


Bail Me Out!
Im at the police station. 
The police caught me & filed a case 
against me "possession of good looks". 
i'm doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up! 



Kisses
Kisses blown 
r kisses wasted.
kisses rnt kisses 
unless they r tasted.
kisses spread germs 
and germs r hated.
but u can kiss me 
baby im vaccinated 


Keeping an Idiot Entertained
HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED
*press down* 
HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED
*press up*


Id Really Miss You
Did I ever tell how much u mean 2 me 
as a friend put it this way 
if we were on a sinking ship 2gether &
 there was only 1 life jacket Id really miss you.  

 
Darkness
If your life is in darkness, don't give up. 
Just pray. But, after praying and your life is still in darkness,
then don't be stupid. Go Switch ON The Lights!!!  


U Dirty Mind
A Short thing
It gets Longer 
when U hold it
N pass between 
women Breasts
N enters into 
A hole 
What is it? 
1 min 2 think! 
Car Seat Belt
U dirty mind.  


Don't forget
Please remind me to remind you 
about reminding me to send you 
this reminder that reminds me of
 reminding you that I AM THERE FOR YOU. Don't forget.  


The Sea
My feelings for you 
Are like the sea. 
"Wild and romantic ?"
No
They make me sick.


The Smell
HELLO, this is your mobile.
 There is no particular problem. 
I just wanted to leave your pocket, the smell is unbearable!!!  


God
When did I realize I was God? 
Well, I was praying and suddenly 
I realized that I was talking to myself. 


Be nice
Be nice to the ones who smoke.. 
every cigarette might be their last. 

 
Kiss My Ass
A man can kiss his wife goodbye.
 A flower can kiss a butterfly. 
Wine can kiss a frosted glass. 
But u my friend can kiss my ass!  

 
Skirts
Smaller the bus,
Larger the queue, 
Smaller the skirt, 
Better the view. 
 
Skin meets Skin
When is that 
the skin meets skin, 
hair meets hair 
n balls disappear.. 
dirty mind 
its when 
u BLINK UR EYES  

 
WOT AM I?
Im bout 
6inches long.
Wen used 
im inserted in2 
a warm moist hole 
& thrust in 
& out repeatedly 
until i leave behind 
a sticky 
white substance!
WOT AM I?
A toothbrush!

 
Our friendship means alot 2 me
i want u 2 know dat 
our friendship means alot 2 me.
U cry i cry. 
U lauf i lauf. 
U jump out of da window... 
I look down & den... 
i lauf again!


Thank God..
U picked me up.
u took me home.
u put ur hands around my waist.
u took off my top 
den u put ur lips om mine.
THANK GOD im a bottle of PEPSI.

 
He came 2 me 1 nite
He came 2 me 1 nite 
explored my body 
licked
sucked
swallowed 
& had his fill
wen satisfied he left... 
I was hurt... 
F***IN MOSQUITO 


Hands up!
Hands up! This is a robbery,
 handsom guys move right, 
pretty gals move to left.
 Ugly ones go to the centre. 
Hey you! Dont pretend to read SMS.
Go to the centre! 


Upside Down
Henry got a coded message from Jack. 
It read: 370HSSV-0773H 


Henry was stumped. 
He called the CIA 
& they cracked the code 
By reading it 
Upside Down:) 


Girls are like
Girls are like phones,
 we like to be held and talked too, 
but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! 

 
Drive Carefully
Drive carefully: 90% of people in this world 
are caused by accidents 


Sugar Cane
Hard hard in
Soft soft Out
In out In out
Juice come out
Don't think dirty give me a glass of SUGAR CANE pls  


Mint with a Hole
It
was a
romantic
nite
he 
took
me to
bed
opened
all
my
cover's
inserted
his tongue
into my
Hole
i was
melting
in his
mouth
THANK GOD
I am polo mint
with a hole  2 >> 
POLICE are looking...
POLICE are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty and very gorgeous. They've already eliminated you from the search, but where do you think I should hide?
 2 >> 
Idiot
It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.  1 >> 
The way I'm feelin
If U know the way I'm feelin', U know I need some textual healin'!  1 >> 
3 Monkeys
3 monkeys escaped from the zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message  1 >> 
Yellow Teeth
Are your teeth cold? . . . No? . . . Why are they wearing yellow jackets then?  1 >> 
Become SEXY!!
This is magic press down 12 times and u will become SEXY!!
..
..
at your age u still belive in magic STUPID ASS!!
 1 >> 
Life is beautiful...
Life is beautiful if you are willing to see it
 1 >> 
Death is the...
Death is the greatest kick of all.That's why they save it for last!
 1 >> 
Yes, God made first...
Yes, God made you first,but there's always a rough draft before the final copy.
 1 >> 
Roses are red...
Roses are red Violets are blue Love stinks and so do you
 1 >> 
Boys no love,...
Boys no love, no love no sex, no sex no people, no people no school, no school no problems.  1 >> 
The word HELLO means..
The word HELLO means: H=How are you? E=Everything alright? L=Like 2 hear from you! L=Love 2 see you soon O=Obviously I miss you. SO, HELLO  1 >> 
My mother-in-law...
My mother-in-law walks 5 miles every day... I wonder where she'd be by now.
 1 >> 
At this moment 5...
At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91m at a party and one sad looser is reading this SMS.
 1 >> 
The IDEAL man...
The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does not exist.
 1 >> 
Life is like a nose...
Life is like a nose, you have to take out what is in it !  1 >> 
I love working...
I love working. I can look at it for hours.


Teachers help ...
Teachers help you with problems that
 you would not have if they were not there.


Boys say it's great...
Boys say it's great, boys say it's fine.
 9 months later they say it's not mine !


Sorry I am late...
Sorry I am late, I couldn't find the remote control
to the remote control. 
 
I was arrested...
I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep. 


I was trying...
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering  

 
A successful man...
A successful man is the one who makes more money than he can spend.
A succesful women is the one who finds him.


The road to success...
The road to success is always under construction 


I can please only...
I can please only one person per day. 
Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
 

Hello, this...
Hello, this is Death. Please answer when you are ready.


I used to have...
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.  


